I just had to see you

Yesterday, on the way to work, a song came on that reminded me of you.

This happens quite a bit.  Usually I smile, and think of the good times we had.

But yesterday was different.  Yesterday I felt nothing but sadness.  Yesterday I missed you so badly, I just had to see you.

But I had work to do.  So I worked.  I busied myself with small projects that didn't require much thinking...because my brain was still missing you.

I made it past lunchtime, and I just couldn't take it anymore.  So I got in the car, and I took off.

I drove for 20 minutes, headed south towards the rolling hills.  I pulled off the highway, and drove some more.  Then I saw the massive brick gates that greet me at your front door.



And that's when the tears came.

I drove slowly down the main road, until I came to Columbarium B.  I pulled over, and slowly I walked to your spot.  I sat down in front of you, and we talked.  Mostly, I cried.

How is it possible that you've been gone almost two years?

I miss you, Wayne.  I love you.

18 months!

I neglected to do a post celebrating Benjamin's latest milestone...and anyone who knows me should know how I am about milestones!  So here's a check-in on how my little one-and-a-half year old is doing.

18-month stats:
30 lbs 11.5 oz (he was up 3 oz when we took him in 4 days later...so it's safe to say he's basically 31 lbs)
33.5 inches tall
49 cm head circumference

Those are all pretty much "big".  Height is around 90th percentile, weight is closer to 95th, and head's up there too.  It's actually good that he's proportionate, and it totally makes sense.  From all reports, his daddy was a sizable, well-built toddler, and look at him now - he's tall and muscular, built like an athlete. 

What's our little Benji up to these days?

Talking.  Talking all the time.  About a quarter of it is recognizable words.  The rest is gibberish.  He's got quite a burgeoning vocabulary (and to think, we were worried about his hearing once upon a time!).  Our favorites of his words are "shooooes" and "ouSIDE?".  His favorite lately seems to be "Eh-mo!".  He loves watching Sesame Street, and gets especially excited about seeing Elmo on-screen.

Reading.  He looooves to be read to.  He'd happily spend hours bringing you a book, sitting in your lap, letting you read to him, taking that one back for a new book - lather, rinse, repeat.  Sometimes I'll find him sitting at his bookshelf, books spread out all around him, thumbing through one after the other.  It should be no surprise that this habit of his completely warms my heart.

He's still not a runner.  He can motor on down the hall pretty quickly, but true, fast running?  Hasn't come yet.  I'm okay with that.  He's active, but not hyperactive.  He's more of the inquisitive, people-watching type.  Sometimes I'll take him down to the park and he'll just stand there, staring at all the activity around him. 

He's a lover, and a biter.  He's great at giving hugs, especially the kind that require a running start and diving into your open arms.  He loves to laugh, especially at his Daddy.  We're also working on curbing his biting behavior - which, strangely, he only lets loose on me and his friends at daycare.  Go figure.

So that's the story with Benjamin right now.  He's a wonderful, awesome, amazing little kid, and I feel so lucky to be his mama.

A couple of funny stories...

So my kid is 18 months old now...I probably should've put up some great, sentimental, 18 month post, but I didn't.  Because I was busy chasing after an 18-month-old.

I do have a couple of cute stories to share about my favorite little boy, though. 

Story #1:  The magic word

So we had chicken fajitas for dinner tonight (pretty yummy, if I do say so myself). We had a box of cookies out on the table and decided to finish them off for dessert. Ben had a piece of chicken left, and we were trying to get him to eat it before he could have his cookie.

We tried everything we could. He was near tears, shoving everything out of his way, meltdown was imminent. We were about to give up when, on a whim, I said "Benjamin, can you help Mommy? I need you to eat this piece of chicken."

A light flicked on, the heavens opened, he grabbed the chicken and popped the whole thing in his mouth. He grinned while he chewed. Branden and I stared, dumbfounded.

I never in a million years thought that would work. I just did it on a desperate whim.

Apparently, "help" is the magic word.

And then he got his cookie. :o)

Story #2: In his own time

Yesterday, I washed all of his fall clothes, which I already had hanging in his closet. This resulted in a big pile of hangers in the living room while the laundry was going. Inevitably, Ben found the pile and spread them all over, playing with them. It was fine, because he'd been fussy most of the day, and it was keeping him occupied.

So then it comes time to fold/hang up the laundry. I set the basket down by the couch, across the room from the pile of hangers. I ask Ben to bring them to me. He ignores me, because he's busy reading Railroad Toad. I ask a few more times. Nothing. I give up, thinking I'll have to get up and go get them when I'm ready for them.

All of the sudden, he puts his book down (like he was finished), stands up, picks up a couple of hangers, walks over to me, and hands them to me. It had to have been 5 minutes that had elapsed since I asked for them! And with coaxing, he proceeded to bring me every hanger over there, two at a time. It was awesome.

This kid is the coolest ever.

Videos!

Last night, I went crazy with the video camera and got three really cute videos of Mr. Benjamin!  Here they are...

17

Seventeen months have gone by since the day I held my baby boy in my arms for the first time.  Every single day, he learns and grows and changes.  He's becoming such a fun and amazing little kid!

What has he been up to lately?

• He's going through a "word explosion".  He went from maybe a handful of words at 15 months to now speaking at least 25 or 30 that I can count.  He's even started to put together two word phrases, like "I go" or "I do" or "I know."
• He's started to say "Oh no!" and put his hands on his cheeks.  OMG cute!
• He can follow commands quite well now - when he wants to.  The other day, I asked him to put his push toy away at Nana's house, not thinking he'd remember where he got it from.  To my surprise, he pushed it right over and arranged it EXACTLY how Nana had it!
• Last night, he found his discarded spoon on the floor a few minutes after dinner - and all on his own, he picked it up, walked to the kitchen, and put it on the counter by the dirty dishes!
• He loves bathtime, especially now that we have "bubbles" and his new toy letters!



In general, he just makes life really super enjoyable! 

Branden's still working his second job on the weekends...though we seem to have found a better family rhythm lately, now that he can sleep in on the weekends and get naps sometimes too.  We both look forward to the day when he can quit that second job...especially because that will mean he has a professional planning job!  It will happen...some day. 

In the mean time, we try to make the best of the time we do have together.  Several times, Ben and I have made the trek to Branden's second job with him and had dinner together out there.  And Branden and I are trying to make sure to take time for ourselves too.  On Sunday, we had a "family date".  The three of us went out to dinner, then came home for dessert (frozen yogurt w/blueberries - yum!).  After Ben went to bed, Branden and I snuggled on the couch and watched "The Tourist."  It was a nice way to reconnect, and without having to worry about getting a sitter or anything.  I highly recommend it!

So that's what we've been up to lately!  :o)  How about you?

Our new, grown-up apartment!

So I had a feeling that moving into our new place would automatically feel more like home.  What I didn't realize is how much it would light a fire under us (and our little guardian angel, my mom!) to update some of our furnishings to match the new, nicer apartment.

It started out with an entertainment center...

Old:


New:


(That's the photo from the Craigslist post...haven't gotten a good one of it in place yet).

Then, from there, it went to our couch.  We'd been using a hand-me-down from my parents, with a slipcover on it that was more annoying than anything. 

Old (you can see the pattern here):


New (again, from the Craigslist posting):


And last but certainly not least, we're now in talks with a friend to buy a queen-sized bed from him.  It used to be his mother's but for whatever reason, she doesn't need it anymore.  Our bed is perfectly fine, except for the fact that it's a full, and we just need more room.  It was my bed from way back when I moved into my first apartment (2002).  Worked just fine for one person, but we've been squeezing into it together for far too long (especially when I was pregnant with Ben!).

And of course we needed new bedding.  Here's what I picked out:



Our walls in the new bedroom are brown, but our furniture is black.  Hopefully this strikes a good balance.  The new bed has a wooden headboard.

It's so nice to finally feel like a grown-up, and really be proud of my home!  Now if we could just get our decorations hung on the walls...

Two years ago...

Two years ago today, our lives changed forever, with one tiny digital word...

It was a Monday morning, and though I wanted to hold out until Tuesday to take that test, I'm glad I didn't.  It sure did start our week off with a bang!

And in a crazy parallel with this week...two years ago this weekend, we told my parents we were having a baby.  When did we tell them?  Right after we went and saw "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince".  This Saturday, we're going to see the final installment of the series (Deathly Hallows Pt. 2, for you non-Potternerds).

A lot has changed in the last two years.  We're going, regrettably, without Wayne, as we did for the last film as well.  And we'll be leaving our little toddler with a babysitter.

Crazy to think that in two years, he's gone from this:

Barely even an embryo yet

To this!



A walking, talking, pointing at everything toddler!

I'm glad we have Ben now, but boy do I miss Wayne at times like these.